Caleb is seven years old today. When I was pregnant many people told me the time would fly, and during those first few months of sleepless nights, I didn't believe them. But, "they" were right. It does not feel like it has been seven years.
One of Dave's coworkers loaned him a teddy bear in a NYSP uniform. It wasn't a perfect fit, but at exactly four weeks old, Caleb could fit into the outfit. Dave was working down at Division Headquarters and had a Monday-Friday schedule working 6am-2pm. That was the most regular schedule of his entire career. When he got home that day, I made him pose for pictures with Caleb before heading out to SEARS to have "professional" pictures taken.
We really had to work hard to get these pictures of Caleb not crying. He was not so sure about the bright lights and strange people trying to make him smile. At one point we had to take the little plastic gun off of him because it was poking him in the side!
I wish I could go back to this time - even if just for a day. After two years of infertility, we had our precious perfect baby, and we had not even heard of Spinal Muscular Atrophy. Dave was home every night to cuddle his long awaited son and to kiss me goodnight. I remember thinking life was perfect. I was ignorant of the trials ahead. I now understand completely the phrase, "Ignorance is bliss."
The life we envisioned for our family was not to be. I don't understand "why" and I no longer even try to understand why. It wastes precious time and energy I need to trust God. I hope when I get to Heaven I will see a greater purpose in the pain my family has gone through, but in reality, when I get to Heaven it won't really matter. Until that glorious day comes, I treasure the memories of the time we were a family of four and the wonderful legacy Dave left me and his sons.
|I love how Caleb is looking up at his Daddy!|